Olivia DeLong was four days postpartum when she got the go-ahead from her medical team to prepare for discharge. “After being in the hospital for weeks leading up to my birth, and then a few extra days due to the c-section, I was very ready to come home to see my puppy and finally sleep in my own bed,” she says. But her excitement about leaving was bittersweet.

Her daughter was still in the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU) and she and her husband did not know exactly when her baby would be coming home. “It was so hard to drive to the car without the baby in my arms. I was sad, but also in a way calm because I knew our daughter was so well taken care of.”

If you have a NICU baby and feel the same way, know that the first night at home without your baby can be especially difficult—and whatever you may be feeling is valid. Just know you’re not alone—other BabyCenter NICU moms are going through it, too.

“I’m so thankful that (my son) is okay and he’s going to be okay, but does anyone have any ideas on how to handle going home without a baby?” one BabyCenter mom asks her community born in November 2024. “Of course I’m coming as much as possible, but it’s hard to leave him there overnight and go home.”

Veteran NICU moms have united together in response. They offered positive messages of encouragement, plus some of their own coping strategies to help their fellow NICU moms. Their thoughtful words of wisdom can help you get through tough times, too.

Be sure it’s the best thing for your baby

“I had to leave my first baby in intensive care when she was born and go home without her. To be honest, it was very hard and I cried so many times. All I can say is that it’s for their betterment and that’s all the insurance we can give ourselves.” – @RuAsh

Trust your baby’s doctors

“I know it definitely feels wrong to leave your baby. I’m now on my third intensive baby and it’s kind of ‘normal’ for me at this point. …it’s still hard not to go out the door (with my baby) but he still needs help breathing and has no idea how to use a bottle. But remember, if you ever don’t get there for a day, (the nurses) will definitely hold them and carry them around. Ours are constantly drawing cards and holding those little burritos.” – @JohannaHiester

Capture as many photos and memories as possible

“Take lots of photos that you can look at overnight and see if the NICU has a camera so you can watch live. You can also always call the nurse line for overnight updates if that helps.” – @NursePatty12

“Take lots of pictures to look at! I also wrote a letter (to my baby) telling him how sad I was that he couldn’t come home with us and I think that helped me in the process.” – @MLD2024

Remember that none of this is your fault

“Everything is going to be okay, Mom… and I want to encourage you not to feel guilty. You did nothing wrong. If it helps, I delivered my baby at 26 weeks and she stayed in intensive care for 79 days. She is now a beautiful and active 11 month old… Please take care of yourself and know that your baby is getting all the care she can get…” – @RubySho

Focus your energy on what you can control

“I focused on pumping because I thought it was the only thing I could contribute while (my son) was getting the best care he could get with the medical team and the ICU staff. I also have a four-year-old who needed me, which also motivated me.” – @FMarfori

Nurture your relationships with your baby’s older siblings

“Something that helped me come to terms with how little time I could spend at the hospital was a friend reminding me that the baby wouldn’t remember if I was there or not, but my big kids would remember if I was there or no. there. It’s not perfect, I still felt like I wasn’t spending as much time with my baby, but I really got there as often as I could. Our NICU was a 24/7 visit for those caregivers who had hospital tape, so I used that to my advantage to go after the kids were asleep. My mom would stay with the kids while I went. I couldn’t do it every night because I was running without sleep, but that’s one way I managed it.” – @BaconBurner

Head home or simply get some fresh air as a form of self-care

“I routinely go in and out for several hours a day and I recommend it for your mental health. If I’ve learned anything… it’s to take care of you too. I can’t tell you that you won’t cry when you leave, miss your baby like crazy, and count the minutes until you get back. You will. It’s okay. A little time is worth it. Our babies are in good hands…” – @Izzyz3

Lean on your partner

“I had to leave my son in the intensive care unit and it was very difficult for me. I cried A LOT the first night without him. I’d wake up at 6am and take my time to shower and pack my bag and be at the hospital as soon as I’m done, I don’t leave (the hospital) until 9pm every day to go home and take care of myself… My husband is a lot helped by taking care of me mentally and physically, and I couldn’t have done all this without him” – @Har722

Know that you are not alone

“To moms looking for hope, you are not alone. I know you feel like you are. And you will get through this time and eventually start your life with your precious baby.” – @Glaud74