Is there anything worse than a baby with a stomach bug? Actually, yes: a baby with a stomach bug, and a parent with a busy workday… and no access to childcare.
When kids get sick, all daycares (understandably) have policies—either their own, or based on state guidelines—that may require you to keep them home. In a perfect world, you’d take the time you need to heal your child, heal yourself (because let’s assume you’re getting it too, sorry) and get paid for that time off. But in reality, 78% of BabyCenter moms said that when their child is sick, it’s up to them to come up with a backup plan, according to a recent survey. Working moms also reported dealing with childcare issues an average of more than three working days per month.
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“In the first year of kindergarten, you can expect at least one to two illnesses a month,” says Christina Gagliardo, MD, a pediatric infectious disease specialist at Goryeb Children’s Hospital, Atlantic Health System in New Jersey. “The key is managing expectations.”
Unfortunately, for many working parents, it is impossible to take time off to care for their sick children – especially if they are working shifts or are single parents. It is a systemic problem with no one-size-fits-all solution. Still, as flu-COVID-RSV-rota-pink-eye season ramps up, it’s a good idea to start thinking about a plan that will cover your typical childcare arrangement. Here’s how a few seasoned moms managed the juggling act.
Key Takeaways
- Plan ahead as much as you can. Talk to your pediatrician about their sick leave policy and set expectations with your colleagues about needing time off at the last minute.
- Read about your employer’s benefits. See if you can take sick leave to care for family members. If not, advocate for a family leave policy.
- Rely on your team. Check in regularly with your co-parent or partner about who has more bandwidth to deal with unexpected illnesses. If you’re a single parent, try tag team coverage with someone else.
Read about your nursery’s sickness policy.
“Day care centers have very strict rules about sending kids home,” says Roma, a mother of two in Connecticut. “This means you may have to log out abruptly and download as soon as possible.”
Many nurseries draw the line at fever, vomiting, or diarrhea (and your child can’t come back until he’s been symptom-free for at least 24 hours—no medication). Check your provider’s policy to be sure. That way, you’ll feel more comfortable knowing that other parents are keeping their kids home when they’re contagious, and you can manage expectations at work that this one-day mistake might require a two-day backup plan.
Children should not return to daycare until they have been fever free for 24 hours.
-Christina Gagliardo, MD
If you’re using a nanny, au pair, family care or share nanny, it’s also essential to have a sick-is-too-sick policy. That way, everyone is aligned before you’re in trouble.
Plan ahead (as much as you can) with your pediatrician.
Another tricky policy: Some daycares require a doctor’s note (which, in turn, may require a doctor’s visit) to allow your child to return when he’s better.
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“Don’t ever feel bad about taking up your pediatrician’s time with these things—that’s why we’re here,” says Dr. Gagliardo. “When you start childcare, proactively ask your doctor about their sick leave policy and bandwidth so you’re up to date. This can vary by practice, and if you find you can’t see your child quickly, it might be time to consider change.”
Pediatric urgent care centers or telemedicine may also be options – just make sure your insurance covers it. If you go that route, dr. Gagliardo suggests contacting your pediatrician afterward to let them know and send them a discharge summary so your child’s medical record has continuity.
Prepare your colleagues in advance.
If your boss doesn’t have kids or has never used daycare, they may not know about these strict rules, so it’s up to you to gently educate them, ideally before you have an emergency.
“The fewer surprises you can give your boss/colleagues, the better,” says Samantha, a New York-based mother of two. “When you say in advance, for example, that at some point you’re going to have a sick child and you’re going to have to take him to the doctor, then when the scenario inevitably comes up, it’s not a shock.” In this way, you can plan your work arrangement in advance, such as the flexibility of working from home or changing shifts.
If your boss has kids and understands daycare issues, make sure you pay it forward by normalizing kids mixing with other coworkers or anyone younger than you.
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“I give a lot of credit to my former boss: When I first went on leave, she was very open and vocal about her own childcare challenges,” says Abby, a mother of two in Illinois. “When I came back from leave, I realized that she normalized those moments so that I too would feel empowered and comfortable. Which I did! Now I have a colleague who just had her first baby and I encourage her to lead by example, that’s how progress happens. “
And remember that colleagues without children also have personal life needs – pets, elderly care, etc. Cover them! If you have their back, they’ll have yours.
Schedule weekly “oh shit” planning with your co-parent or partner.
“When someone in the house starts to show signs of illness, my husband and I sit down in a panic and make a plan, dividing the day in hour-by-hour negotiations about who has the more flexible work,” Meg explains.
Alternatively, if you have a work partner, a regular 10-minute weekly calendar check solves a lot. You can simply decide who will cover each day in case of illness or be more specific, making sure one partner’s “blackout time” (an important morning meeting or shift that cannot be replaced) is clear to the other person, just in case.
Establishing that plan in advance fosters a sense of teamwork and can help prevent you from being the primary parent, a subtle but real factor that can contribute to gender equality at work. Speaking of which, make sure your childcare provider knows which parent to call first. Implicit bias is real, and many people just assume it’s mom.
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Find out if you can take sick leave to care for your child.
When was the last time you took a close look at the employee handbook? Dig it out of your desk (or your employer’s intranet) and read the time off policy carefully. Make sure your co-parent checks theirs too! It can help you more than you think with PTO or sick days that you can apply to your family members.
“At 4 months, my son was hospitalized for a week,” says Elena, a mother of two in Texas. “Working full-time and also in graduate school, I was panicking not only about him, but about work. Thanks to my network of working parent friends, I realized that my employer’s policies would allow me to use paid sick pay to take care of to myself and to my son.”
dr. Gagliardo, a pediatrician, says she’s happy to write a note to the parents’ employers to explain the circumstances. “I’m a working parent myself and I know it’s hard,” she says. “I am happy to provide documentation to parents who need to prove that they were at the doctor’s office on a certain date due to their child’s illness.
If your child has a prolonged illness, you can also check whether family leave might be an option. Many (but not all) workers can access these benefits through Law on family and medical leavesOpens a new window (FMLA), which offers unpaid job-protected leave for this purpose. Thirteen states plus Washington DC have paid family leave plansOpens a new windowalso. Your employer may also offer paid family leave themselves. After her experience, Elena convinced her employer to add such a policy.
Don’t push it and send them back too soon.
“Children should not return to daycare until they have been fever-free for 24 hours — without fever reducers,” says Dr. Gagliardo. That last part is vital, she explains, because “usually a fever indicates that the disease or infection is still active, which makes it still contagious, and your child is still likely to feel smelly, too.”
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She sees it all the time: If that fever spikes again in daycare after the Motrin wears off, “They come right back home to you, and you’re deranged again.”
Hack your way through the job as best you can.
If you can work from home, these disruptions to sick leave become easier after 4 years or more. “My oldest is now in first grade and I remember it felt like a huge turning point when he came home from school sick one day last year and I was able to leave him on the couch to rest and watch TV while I worked in the other room. “, says Meg, a mother of two from Connecticut.
For parents of younger children who need constant attention, it can help to have a pocket “good enough work day” hack if you have a remote job. Rebecca, a mother of one (soon to be two!) in South Carolina, shares hers: “On days when I don’t have childcare due to illness, I set scheduled summary notifications on my iPhone to arrive at 9, 3:30, and 8:30 to look at anything urgent I let clients know I’m going to be mostly offline and it keeps me from going down the work rabbit hole all day. I want to pay attention to my daughter.”
To try this for yourself, go to Settings on your iPhone and tap on Notifications. Click Scheduled Summary, then choose which apps you want to notify you only at specific times.
Swing in shifts.
If you work in healthcare or another shift industry, it’s quite difficult to get time off at the last minute. Some parents in similar scenarios will make their schedules in advance anticipating the inevitable sick days.
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“My husband and I spent a year working different shifts to save on childcare,” said one BabyCenter mom in our survey. Of course, if you’re a single parent, it’s harder to plan ahead like this. Consider talking to another colleague with children and come up with a similar plan that will cover each other’s work.
Be the village you promised.
Kindergarten plagues, by definition, tend to hit several families at once. In a healthy time, meet other parents by attending a class pancake breakfast or Friends Day – or invite another mom out for coffee so you can eventually make a plan to divide and conquer. Having both children in the same house when illness strikes means only one parent needs to take time off.
Feeling shy? “When another mom asks me for a favor, my response is always, ‘I’m so glad you asked because now I know I can ask you for a favor one day,'” says Kendra, a New York City mom of two.
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